Some days I wake up and my anxiety level is already high. You know the feeling you get when you walk down a dark street and suddenly hear a strange noise? Or the feeling when that cop starts following you around the mall, even though you aren’t doing anything wrong? Or the feeling when you do something stupid while driving and just barely avoid creating an accident?
You know the feeling. Your stomach feels as tense as a rock. Your shoulders are up around your ears and your neck is rigid. You are gritting your teeth. At the same time you have the overwhelming urge to run, run anywhere, hide, go away, anything to get away from this feeling overwhelming dread and doom.
That, my friends, is what a high level of anxiety feels like. Try waking up that way and settling down to anything - work or fun.
And you know what the real crappy thing is? You know darn well there is no reason for the anxiety! The world isn’t coming to an end. You aren’t about to be shot by a robber. You haven’t done anything wrong. You know this and the analytical side of your brain is just ragging on you: “Cut it out - you’re such a baby. What is your problem?”
The worse thing anyone can say to you is “There’s nothing to worry about, just settle down” because, yes, thank you, I know there’s nothing to worry about and gee, I’d love to just settle down - why don’t you explain just how that is done when every fibre of your being is telling you that danger is right around the corner?
So you sit down and write a blog post about it, which you’ll probably regret later, and tell yourself “Thank god I work at home. I’ll just take the day off,” neither of which makes you feel better, but at least you are doing something.
I roll out of bed and don’t have to comb my hair before punching out 3 hours of work (yes, work - real, paid, work). I have a large project to start on, but I’m going to take a break and start some bread rising before digging in. I may not even comb my hair all day (this is why I do not have a web cam)
When Shamhat was sent to tame the wild man, what was her feeling? Was it for Ishtar, religious duty? Respect for the King? Maybe fear of him? Did she go in love, desiring all men? Was it in cold fear of the animal?
Before she saw him, Enkindu, the man, how did she prepare? Did she pray to gods with hands uplifted? Was she cool and calm planning her conquest? Was her future clear or clouded with mist? Did she weep before setting out to him?
The woman, Shamhat, did she dream of more? Of life outside the temple of Ishtar? Was the temple big enough for her dreams or did Shamhat long for life beyond sex? Pf what did she think before she met the wild man, Enkindu?
Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major is the sound of pure joy and the soundtrack in my head when I am happy. Every time I listen to it my throat gets tight from the pure sweet beauty of it. The music just seems to soar up into infinity, taking my soul with it.
I’m listening to Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos and thinking how they bring Fall to mind. Maybe it is the brass horns, but I just picture chilly mornings, crisp leaves, brilliant sunny afternoons and then smell of apples when I listen to them.
After that joyous music, I tried listening to Bruckner’s Symphony No. 5 which I usually enjoy (it sounds like Winter to me - all white snow and silver trees), but today it is just bugging me. So, back to Bach.
I ate cereal out of a coffee cup because the bowls were all dirty in the sink. There was no milk either so I ate it dry, tunneling into the cup with my fingers to find the tasty bits of the granola and drinking lots of coffee to wash it down.
I want a Flip Ultra. Every once in a while I get these wants. Not often, because despite having XX chromosomes, I’m not really much of a shopper or a gatherer of any kind. Probably because I’m obsessive compulsive and have enough trouble organizing and reorganizing the stuff I’ve already got.
But I’m digressing.
The Flip Ultra is a sweet little video camera, not much larger than a Blackberry. Even with accessories (OK, I do love accessories) it is less than $200.
I want to use it to create a series of short (1 to 3 min) travel shows, starting first in my home region of south-central Washington and eventually encompassing the Pacific Northwest. A view of what’s interesting from my point of view.
Unfortunately, my main business has been slow this summer, though now picking up. I just can’t convince my bookkeeper to let me buy one (I even sleep with him and do his laundry and he won’t cave).
I love the speed of Google’s new browser, Chrome and I really love the home page with links to my most-browsed pages. Other yummy parts of Chrome include the simple interface with no “junk” toolbars and the drag ‘n drop thing for the tabs to open a new browser. Very cool However, I’m not ready to abandon Firefox yet.
First of all, I have Firefox configured with shortcuts. All I have to do is type “i” for my Google inbox, “c” for my calendar, “r” for Reader, “ff” for Friendfeed…you get the picture. Additionally, I can prefix a search term with “g” (for google), “w” (for wikipedia), etc and do a super quick search. This is such a habit with me and so darn simple I can’t give it up.
Firebug is a MUST for me, as is the Web Developer plugin. I can’t work without them. Less important is ScribeFire, but it is so darn useful.
So, the obvious solution is combine the two - and maybe Chrome will go there - but until they do, I’m sticking with Firefox.
