| CNN Headlines for August 14, 2008: My Response*
Why Scarlett Johansson kissed Penelope Cruz – to inspire the fantasy life of men who never advance beyond junior high emotionally.
Dump the guy — but not THIS way – first you need to wrap him him an old blanket, then a tarp or some visqueen stuff. Make sure the hole is really deep…
Is China cheating in women’s gymnastics? Um, yes. And probably so are a lot of other countries….
U.S. traffic death rate at record low – in other news, political suicide rate doubles…
Baby boosts some athletes’ performance – just take one a day in juice or coffee and watch your game improve.
*for those too stupid to know otherwise, this is satire, folks!